I have an obsession with you.
Not in the traditional sense.
In a way where I constantly follow your every move in order to
Attempt to figure out my next move
Avoid or Approach or Assume
Avoid, usually.
It pisses me off to no end.
It's as though I'm still connected to you somehow,
As though I have yet to sever ties.
I wonder if that will ever fade or
If it is simply the nature of the end.
I'm always conscious of your presence
Aware
Of where
You are
Compared
To me.
With this information I know not what to do.
Every time I see you my brain
Goes into a panic, not because
It shuts down but merely
Because it has no programmed action.
It's a panic of:
Shit what the hell am I meant to do now oh shit what is the right thing holy shit
A decision that has to be made.
Nine times out of ten I
Run
Avoid and
Hide
I mean it's just worked so well for me thus far, not.
I know not what other to do.
Every time I attempt to smooth
I make the hole deeper and wider
A testament to my failure.
At what point do we stop smoothing?
Stop fixing the seemingly unfixable?
I gave up, I conceal this not.
But only for fear of allowing my
Bloated pride to ribbon the shrinking shreds once more.
I drew the line
I don't know how to fix it
I function with you ever in my peripheral
I don't know how to fix it
I want to fix it but
I don't know how to fix it
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