"Mistakes in a row" from 17.05.16

Do you ever see something you just know you shouldn't?

Do you go looking for it?

Somewhere inside, you know it will only cause you pain, but you search for it anyway.

Seeing it doesn't help. The curiosity just grows into soul-destroying pain, something much worse. If the curiosity was a sting, this destruction is like a body that has been battered and crushed and bruised. It is a constant ache that can be ignored, but never fully adjusted to. It drains your life. 

We don't often make good choices without experience. We can learn from a textbook, but until you see your own incorrect spelling, you will not learn that word correctly. 

I did not do well. 
I thought I was above what I did.
I regret that.
But my past mistakes remain unchangeable.

So let my guilt be my burden and weigh me not down with the rocks of your spite or frustration, I beg you. You need not listen to my pleas; my choice has set the lines in the sand. But I can try. Indicatively, my simple "trying" does not cut it. 

I'm afraid I have nothing else to offer.