"You know what, actually, you're being petty" from 30.08.16

Guess what?

I have a right to be happy independent of whether you think I deserve it or not. 

Guess what?

It hurts so much to see you put salt in my wounds. I don't know if you're intentionally doing it, but dear Lord, it hurts. To see you sail smoothly where I have tripped and fallen is like a kick in the gut.

Guess what?

I'm trying my damnedest to keep this ship afloat, but you're either going to have to turn up or run away eventually. If you could decide anytime soon that would be nice as I don't want to waste my heart, soul, energy, hope and effort on someone who is just going to let me break my back for them with no notice.

Guess what?

You don't get to play the victim. I didn't do anything to deserve this garbage treatment. I didn't threaten you or hold you down or manipulate you. I just tried to let you fly without me. I'm sorry that you think I'm just a brick you're tied to.

Guess what?

If you're hurt about something, TELL ME. How am I meant to do any better if I think I'm doing a good job? Do you just expect me to know? Spoiler alert: I don't and leaving me behind in the dust hacking my lungs up doesn't make me any better. It's almost like communication is key, or something?? Revolutionary, I know.

Guess what?

The only reason I'm writing this is to stop from crying because I want you to just LISTEN to me. I am always the fixer, plastering things up but people don't want things to just be better, they want PERFECT and that is something I will NEVER be. If we compromise, maybe we could both come to an understanding that works for both of us. I will not appease you this time. I am done setting myself on fire just to keep you warm. Burn yourself out, but don't set me alight to keep you company.

"Gee Thanks For Messaging Me Back" from 30.08.16

I'm sorry that I ruined your life
I'm sorry that I'm not the same
I'm sorry that you can't see my perspective
I'm sorry I messed up your plan somehow
I'm sorry that I was in the way
I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be
I'm sorry that other people are exempt from what I am not
I am sorry that I'm not what you thought you were paying for
I'm sorry, I tried my damn best
I'm sorry that I broke everything down
I'm sorry that you don't understand me
I'm sorry that I am not doing a better job than you
I'm sorry that you left me hanging
I'm sorry that you won't even look at me
I'm sorry that you ignore my messages
I'm sorry that you can't face life's harsh realities
I'm sorry that I'm angry
I'm sorry that you feel like you have more right to anger than me
I'm sorry I tried to understand you
I'm sorry that I cut myself short so you could stand taller
I'm sorry that your actions make me feel small
I'm sorry that every time you hang out it feels like an arrow to the knee
I'm sorry that I'm not what you wanted
I'm sorry that I'm not what you want
I'm sorry that others are better where I have failed.