"Winds" from 22.04.16

When troubled winds blow
You grow together
You lean
You learn to rely on them when your hands are tied.

Until the wind stops
And you're ripped apart
And you're alone again
And you're tossed back to that which feels so familiar but so foreign.

Then come the breakdown
Stuff is thrown around
Stuff is in your way
Stuff begins to take you further from what you've known.

Pulling together becomes more difficult.
In your way is distance
In your way is time
In your way is everything that the wind blew away.

So you learn to do it alone
Pick yourself up
Pick your things up
Put yourself back on the road to something.

"Window Remnants" from 22.04.16

A deep sense of longing
For something you only had the illusion of knowing
Where careless words cut deep
And cruel insecurities creep

Preying on the remnants of lost love
That left you looking above
And beyond its calm familiarity
Ignoring its brokenness and clarity

But a creaking, cracked window
Is preferable to its tiny shards
That force you to step with collected caution
And play alone to your last card
Lest those pieces find their way inside
You keep your heart silent and hide

But the glass is broken now
So swept up
And out they must go.

"quaking, floating, crossing" from 22.04.16

I slip between the pieces
a crack in the "whole"
We are but two puzzle pieces that pretend to fit together
relying on clay to smooth the gaps between us

Someone is removed
The earth quakes
Our tiles move differently
The fractures appear
The clay is swallowed piece by piece
until we are no longer the same puzzle
just two isolated islands
who used to be acquainted.

The fissures are pulling my down
I belong to neither faction
I am stateless in a group where citizenship is all
Alliances will keep me afloat
but for how long?
I am a meteor
outside the reach of either planet's gravity
doomed to keep coming back around;
Part of neither system,
just a recurring personality in their skies

Our fates were entwined, we thought.
But in truth, they merely crossed,
twisting a few times before parting;
parallel for a time
before being pulled away to new endeavours.
We were foolish to think that we could control our twine.
We can barely follow its journey,
let alone dictate its future.
So now
I choose to say my goodbyes, lest we cross not again.

"For yours or mine?" from 22.04.16

I am petty
I care
But for your good or mine?
This reason defines the nature of the action.

Is the what ever as important as the why?
Personal interests will only ever lead you astray.
To live only for oneself
is to live without real meaning.

So why then?
Who is this really all about?
Is it truly better for it to be you than me?
Was I deserving of this from the beginning of the end?

Petty interests at heart
I am no more deserving of acceptance than forgiveness
You owe me nothing
I, at least, owe you the dignity of choice.

Your choice is yours
I am not to deserve your words
or your recognition
So I will continue on

My pettiness is my choice, to an extent.
I choose to control it
to keep it in
the pain of it is my true consequence.

My care if pained by your lack thereof
But perhaps it is both of us to blame
for the barriers that keep us forevermore separate.
Will they ever dissolve?

"Imperfect Reality" from 22.04.16

I am egotistical
I am proud
I am self-centred

I want people to like me
I want people to admire me
I want people to want me

But I don't want to have to do anything about it
To exist as an idealised concept
a perfect thought
Nothing more than theory
a perfect outline of an imperfect reality
before I get too close and shatter expectations
Break down
to
the dust
of mistakes
and anxieties
and failed prospects;
everything I keep under wraps;
underneath;
inside.

Outside, I seem.
Inside, I am not.

"Hurt" from 22.04.16

Every time I see you, I look away
We're both edging around it
Every time I speak, you shut down
You wall up and look down
It makes me hurt
A constant reminder that I
As a person
Am not as:

eloquent,
gentle,
confident,
tactful,

as I believe

I deserve it
I understand
But it still
hurts